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#6. Iran Could Start a Crazy War at Any Minute!

OK, but even if Ahmadinejad isn’t in charge, the real leaders are religious hard-liners who hate America. So Iran is still a threat, right? Actually, their annual military budget is around nine billion dollars, which puts them behind the powerhouses like Greece and Australia. In terms of per capita spending, Iran is dead last in the gulf region. Nuclear weapons aren’t a concern, either, as U.S. intelligence agencies believe Iran has halted its program.

#5. China’s Economy Is Going to Steamroll America’s!

The media tends to portray America like China’s deadbeat brother-in-law who keeps borrowing money and promising he’s good for it. But the truth is that China is far more dependent on the U.S. than the other way around. If they decided to pull the rug out from under the U.S., they’d be pulling it out from under their own economy.

But probably their biggest problem is something called the dependency ratio. It’s a simple idea that is shockingly good at predicting economic success and failure. Basically, you put people who are of working age on one side of the scale and people who are too young or old to work on the other. The more the workers outweigh the babies and old people, the more your economy tends to thrive. For instance, America did great when the baby boomers were passing through their working years and is facing a slowdown now that they’re retiring.

This ratio is also one of the main reasons China is kicking so much ass at the moment. There are so many working-age people that they had to put policies in place to keep them from having too many kids. You’ve probably heard of the one-child policy. An earlier public campaign cut China’s fertility rate in half in the ’70s. That was good for China’s dependency ratio up to this point. That’s half of a generation of useless, non-working babies off the books. But over the next 25 years, China is gearing up to age faster than any developing country ever. By 2035, 280 million Chinese will be 65 or older. Senior discounts alone will cost China billions.

#4. America Relies on Its Enemies for Oil!

For starters, 36 percent of American oil is domestic. Another 22 percent of America’s oil comes from the hostile and violent country of, uh, Canada. In fact, our friendly neighbor to the north produces more of America’s oil than all the gulf countries combined. So that’s over half of America’s oil controlled by countries with NBA franchises. Did we mention that America’s third largest supplier of oil is Mexico?

#3. Al-Qaida Is Still a Huge Threat!

One problem is that al-Qaida has a terrible business model. They’re trying to fund a war against the richest military in the world by asking people for charitable donations that would get you yoinked out of your home country and taken to international jail instead of getting you tax breaks.

#2. North Korea’s Military Is Dangerous and Insane!

North Korea may spend a huge chunk of its GDP on its army, but its GDP is tiny — which shouldn’t surprise you, considering the chief exports are requests for food aid and passive-aggressive threats. In actual dollars, North Korea’s military budget is only five to eight billion dollars. By comparison, South Korea’s military budget is over triple that. Actually, South Korea spends more on its army than North Korea has in its entire budget.

#1. The World Hates America!

The statistics from countries considered America’s enemies are also pretty surprising. In Iran, for instance, a majority of Iranians are cool with the American people, and just dislike the American government. Better yet, most Iranians and Americans want to see diplomatic relations between the two countries improve. Even more encouraging is the fact that a majority of people in both countries believe the Islamic and Western worlds can find common ground

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